Fetish?? Gimme a Break!

Okay folks - my first post of March 2008!

Boy, do I need to get this off my chest. It has to do with language and how people use it against us. I'm thinking of the "F word." No, not fat. It's "fetish."

"Oh, isn't that a fetish??" some people will ask, when talking about a man who loves full-figured, plump women. "Is he one of those freaky fetishists?"

Sadly, sometimes even BBWs themselves will ask this. I say "sadly" because when they do, it's a sign to me that they may have internalized society's contempt for them. I say "contempt" because in English-speaking America, "fetishist" is not a complimentary term, generally speaking. It's often used as a putdown - a polite way of saying "weirdo." When I hear a BBW-lover being described as a "fetishist," I believe it's a dismissal. It's a way of dismissing a person's sexuality or diminishing a person for his sexual preference. Just like when people use the term "queen" to describe an effeminate gay man.

Now, I must be honest: It is true that some guys DO have an unusual and exclusive obsession with overweight women. That and only that will satisfy them sexually. I would agree that that condition deserves the term "fetish."

But I think there are many more who simply enjoy the look and feel of a soft, voluptous feminine figure. We have dated thin girls before and still admire them, but our preference is for heavy, thick rubenesque women: Wide hips. Big Asses. Big busts. Thick waists. Double chins. That's what's sexiest to us, just the way some guys are crazy about blondes. They enjoy the feel and look of silky, blonde hair running through their fingers... and they do their best to date or marry an attractive blonde.

Funny - in this country, no one ever says "Does Larry have a blonde fetish??" - do they? Of course NOT! But if you look at the world's population, it's overwhelmingly dark-haired, dark-eyed people. Look at the billions of Chinese and Indians and Africans and Arabs and Indonesians, and so on. 99% of the time, you won't see any native-born blondes among those populations. Same with respect to the southern European population in places like Greece and Italy. Simply put, the overwhelming majority of people around the world are dark-haired and brown-eyed.

What's my point? That blonde-haired women are just a tiny, tiny, TINY fraction of the world's women and if anybody is crazy about that as a dating preference, then THAT man should be labeled as "abnormal." Or "unusual." And if you want to be mean or snippy about it, you could label him a "fetishist."

See what I mean? But we don't do that, do we? Because society has trained us to see blonde as attractive, right? Well, all around the world, plump and rubenesque figures are seen as attractive too. So we shouldn't be labeling BBW-lovers either.

Thoughts on fat acceptance

Hi folks,

Apologies for the long wait since my last post. I've been busy with school and other personal issues, but I'm back for more thoughts on BBWness. Here is a positive article that deals with what's called "fat acceptance." It's a largely online movement gaining a lot of popularity, and just last month ABC News featured an article about it. Here's one snippet from the article:

Monique van den Berg, creator of the Big Fat Deal blog, weighs 230 pounds and said she blogs to help people understand they can be beautiful at any size and to debunk some of what she called the common stereotypes about overweight people.
"People think all fat people do is sit around and eat ice cream, and that we haven't tried to do anything [to lose weight]," said 32-year-old van den Berg, who blogs from Berkeley, Calif. "I'm blogging to hopefully break some of those stereotypes."

To read the full article, click here. Overall, I thought it was great. And, by the way, 230 lbs is just freakin' HOT! lol. You go, Ms. van den Berg. Now we have to understand that lots of people don't like seeing this sort of message out there. They have a strong interest in seeing heavier ladies feel bad about themselves. These folks are the ones I call "haters."

There's a lot of resistance from haters, no doubt. You can see that in the article I provided the link for. Some of the comments attached to the article are just plain mean and nasty. People really like having someone to look down on.

Well, guess what? We just have to ignore them. There are too many of them and they are just a negative force that generates a lot of negative energy and bad karma. We just keep our heads up, stay positive, and keep on loving the BBW in our life - or the BBW-loving man in our life.

Are BBWs hot? Yes! Are BBWs sexy? Absolutely! Hell yes! But if you have trouble believing that, click here to see what millions of American guys are wild about. Mmmm, that looks like paradise to me!!

Well, that's all for now. Be sure to have a lovely BBW day.

Men who love BBWs

Why Do Men Like Fat Women?

Haha! You read it correctly; it's just funny that this is still a mystery to some folks out in mainstream society. I saw the question posed online at the WikiAnswer message board.

http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Why_do_men_like_fat_women

I decided to weigh in on this and post my detailed response ("A BBW-lover responds...") on their answer board. I let 'em have it with both barrels. I really find this rewarding - emotionally satisfying. Anti-fat bigotry is so patently false and dishonest in spirit that it's becoming harder and harder to uphold.

Who knows where the question on the message board came from. It could've been a plant from a pro-BBW activist, or it could've been a confused/nervous post from a female thin-supremacist who is getting a little rattled.

I prefer to think it came from the latter.

As more and more questions like this circulate online, people's irrational prejudices start to crumble along with their hypocrisy. You can't keep insisting "fat chicks" are wrong, offensive, gross, etc. when attractive, slender, pleasant, nice men insist on dating them and marrying them. Or when Oprah's diet helps her morph from world's most popular BBW into another "skinny chick in jeans," only to see the "lost" weight come right back several months later. If a motivated, driven billionaire can't keep the pounds off, then how is Ms. Supermarket Clerk or Ms. Accountant on Main Street, USA supposed to manage the task?

This is how we beat back anti-fat bigotry - one uncomfortable question at a time. The forces arrayed against us are powerful. There is a billion dollar market for special lo-cal dieter's food, Jenny Craig weight-loss programs, lap-band surgery, gym memberships, etc. These folks have been riding the wave of female weight-anxiety and self-loathing all the way to the bank. They won't want to see this gravy train stop.

But we can beat them! We all have to do our little part.

Too fat to have sex?? Gimme a break!

According to BBW actress Kirstie Alley in a 2005 interview, she once believed that she was too fat to be having sex. At one point Alley confessed she weighed as much as 220 pounds (And was accused by tabloids of being closer to 300).

"I always thought I was too fat to have sex," she says cheerily. "I'm not kidding. I've probably had four days in my entire life when I looked at myself and thought, 'You are so ready to have sex!' And alcohol probably played some part in how good I thought I was."

Wow! I don't know whether to laugh or shake my head in disbelief when I hear stories like this. As a grown adult male with a history of getting it on with 200+ pound girlfriends and wives - and thoroughly enjoying it, I might add - I find it difficult to grapple with the reality that our culture wants to make heavier women (and men) feel ashamed of fulfilling their sexual needs. Talk about mind games!

And, of course, it IS a mind game. The games begin at an early age before we even notice. It's all about propaganda and manipulation.

Newscast directors at our local TV stations make sure that BBWs are almost never hired as TV anchors; Hollywood directors and producers have long done the same thing with their movies; they effectively blacklist "Plus Size" actresses to ensure that superstars like Brad Pitt will never be seen on the big screen, giving a deep French kiss to a zaftig leading lady the size of, say, Camryn Manheim.

The cruel message is unstated but seems to be very effective: Fat people are unsexy. They can never be attractive enough to read the 11 o'clock news to us. Even when they are highly successful billionaires (like Oprah), they still should feel inadequate. They also do not engage in romance the way "normal" people do. Fat people just shouldn't be having sex - it's not right.

Of course, nobody is serious enough to try and pass actual laws against sexual intercourse by fat people... but the reality of that disapproving social stigma remains in place. And as long as the stigma is there, the mind games can work. And they can even work on overweight people who are smart, capable and already have a mate.

Wendy Shanker, author and fat-acceptance activist, had this memory of her sex life as an overweight college student: "I'd live in fear that the guy lurking down below would suddenly lift his head and scream, 'Ewww! You're fat and disgusting! What the hell did I just touch? Is that even a body part that other people have?'"

In my opinion, this culture of ours that tries to convince BBWs that they aren't entitled to have a secure, fulfilling sexual relationship, is a complete inversion of everything our ancestors thought about womens' image and appearance. Here is Reubens' 17th century painting of Aphrodite, Greek goddess of love and beauty (also called Venus):

Heh! Look at the hips and upper arms on that woman! Recall that this is the Goddess of Love!

Now, almost 400 year later, compare that to the look that Hollywood celebrity-socialite Nicole Richie was sporting last year:

Yikes!!

Just ignore the haters, my BBW friends. Ignore the delicate, stick-thin Nicole Richies of our society and stick with Aphrodite's classic example. Big people can have a great sex life along with the men and women who love them.

Respecting our bbws!

Okay, folks...

It’s time for a third post here. This blog thing is really intriguing, I have to admit. First of all, I’d like to call attention to our new BBW Hottie of the Week. You can click on the link at the bottom of the page. Gosh, isn’t she just the essence of BBW loveliness?

Like a lot of heavier women, Supa had to go through a rough time during childhood. Teasing. Mean people. Kids being cruel just for the sake of being cruel. Yuck. Well, what if they could see her today? Wouldn’t some jaws drop at that rubenesque beauty??
You can read more of her story by checking out the first link under the sidebar heading Links to our pro-BBW brothers and sisters.

Also, I’d like to introduce Ms. Joy Nash, for those of you who haven’t seen her brilliant video presentation, A Fat Rant. Guys like me always like to pipe up with our thoughts, but there are times when a woman truly does say it so beautifully. You’ll need a computer with sound capability to enjoy this. Here she is:

romance and women of size

One mistake people sometimes make is to assume that fat people are somehow unworthy of romantic attention or that thin people aren't attracted to them. Wrong!! My own subjective opinion says otherwise - namely that thin people often do find fat people attractive; they just aren't always comfortable voicing that opinion.

First of all, I'm a thin guy who married a plump BBW. That's just what turns me on. Secondly, I routinely see heavy, zaftig women with wedding rings prominently displayed on one finger. I realize that it doesn't necessarily mean anything, and that the women could be in a marriage that began when they were much more slender. On the other hand, when the women are in their early adulthood (such as early 20s), it's harder to imagine them marrying thin and suddenly gaining a large amount of weight within two years or less. I don't know; I'm just musing aloud.

Interestingly enough, one thing I do see a lot of is plump women wearing quite tight-fitting jeans. I usually take this as a sign of self-confidence, since the object of wearing hip-hugging jeans is to show one's figure to maximum advantage. Right? Anyway, I see a lot of it today, and I have to admit, I generally approve. (chuckle) This young lady, for example, is all but teasing a BBW-lover like me:

I'm sure a lot of thin women would slam her for what they perceive as a fashion faux pas. Or her supposed poor health. Eh, whatever! Get over it, people. I am just gonna admire these ladies and provide whatever moral support I can. BBWs rock!

How to tell if you're a BBW lover!

Okay, this is my first post and a slightly irreverent one, but written straight from the heart. The article below covers something that I'm sure bugs the crap out of a lot of BBWs. Yes, I'm talking about the infamous before-and-after testimonials of skinny chicks who used to be overweight. Now they want to convert you or get you to fork over some $$ for this or that diet plan.

I don't know how it affects you personally, but as a BBW-loving guy, I just laugh. Why? Because my eyes always drift to the "before" photo on the left and I find myself thinking "Mmmm.... yummy!" Guys, if this is your reaction, you're probably a BBW-lover! Ha-Ha, I know it may be hard for some women to believe, but... yeah, there are men out there who like heft and padding on their women. We're not all that interested in seeing you try to melt it away. Anyway, here are the first few paragraphs (abbreviated) of the article. It's from CNN's website:

Dropping 110 lbs transforms woman's life
Heather Davis weighed 250 pounds and wore a
size 22 at her heaviest. She lost 110 pounds and
wears a size 4.
By Jackie Adams, CNN
1/25/08
WASHINGTON (CNN) -- Growing up, Heather Davis wasn't the kind of kid people would have called fat or even chubby.....but things started to change as she approached adolescence. "My bad eating habits began during my 'latchkey kid' years," says Davis. "In high school and middle school, I played sports, but with a diet of Doritos and soda for lunch ... large family dinners ... I became overweight." During her senior year in high school, Davis, who is 5 feet 9 inches tall, weighed 200 pounds....

By the time she was 22 and attending graduate school, Davis' weight had ballooned to 250 pounds......she found it hard to find stylish, age-appropriate clothing for her bigger body. She says it was a struggle to look neat and put together as most of her shirts "hugged every roll....."

http://www.cnn.com/2008/HEALTH/diet.fitness/01/25/weightloss.heather.davis/index.html?iref=newssearch

******

Okay, that's enough of that! This is a pro-BBW, fat-acceptance blog, where we want to welcome, support and admire the Heathers of the world before they start their Jenny Craig fitness plan or whatever. So, I have mixed feelings about this story. On the one hand, I'm glad for Heather. I don't want her to be ill, uncomfortable or in pain - and she makes it clear that her weight had that effect. So, ultimately it was good for her, from a health standpoint, to lose the weight.

On the other hand, from a pure attractiveness standpoint, I have no problem at all with the "old Heather." A solid 250 lbs puts her squarely in my 200 Plus Club*, and at 5'9" she has a nice above-average height to distribute the weight over. Looking at her face in the "before" photo above, we can see she has a nice amount of makeup on; I happen to like lipstick, so I give her a plus for that.

* 200 Plus Club is my humorous but affectionate reference to women who weigh in at 200 pounds or more - just like my ex-girlfriend as well as my wife. My wife currently hovers between 210-215 pounds.

In the photo, Ms. Davis also has a slight double-chin, which is a classic BBW feature that I also like. Her hair looks great too and to top it off, she's smart and has a pretty, vivacious smile. All in all, I find her very attractive. From the crude standpoint of pure male lust, I have no problem saying "Yeah, I would hit that!!" lol It's true. And I'm sure I'm far from alone.

If I were single and attending college with her, I would've been all over Heather Davis. Or at least trying to get her to go out with me. Wouldn't it be great if more guys could openly admit it? And if women like Heather could at least relax more when it comes to the issue of physical attractiveness and what men think of them? That's what this blog is all about - letting BBWs know just how hot they truly are to so many men.

Your thoughts? Comments?